Sunday, June 27, 2010

Pregnancy Secrets

I've decided to make a list of things that no one tells you BEFORE you get knocked up. (And for those of you who are offended at the term "knocked up", as my loving husband seems to be... I apologize. However, as I've stated before, "getting pregnant" is on purpose... "knocked up" is accidental.) Anyways, my whole life I've heard people talk about how WONDERFUL it is to be pregnant. LIES! It's terrible. Therefore, I have decided to make a list of the terrible things about pregnancy.

#1- Morning Sickness- Now, the common misunderstanding between normal people and pregnancy is that this thing called "Morning Sickness" is when you get nauseated in the morning. The TRUTH is, morning sickness can last all day. And another thing is that some women just get nauseated... others (like me) are nauseated AND vomit. So this is the first worst thing about pregnancy... throwing up all day long. I've even had to go to the "ER" a few times to get fluids pumped into my body through an IV because I've been puking so much and so stinkin dehydrated.

#2- When you get knocked up, your bottom half has to make room for the baby. Therefore, your hips start to expand. Causing the devil himself to create pains so terrible in your body that you can't walk straight. No, seriously. My hips and back hurt so bad if I didn't have a little heartbeat down there somewhere, I would cut my body in half and throw everything from my boobs down into the trashcan.

#3- Boobs. That brings me to my next point... not only do they grow, which is a problem for those of us who are already "well-endowed" but the hurt like heck! And I hear, when you get even closer to your due date, they leak. Now someone please explain to me what sounds so wonderful about leakage.

#4- Sleepy!- I already have a huge problem with my desire to stay awake. Sleeping is perhaps my favorite thing to do in all the world. So now, where I could typically make it through a work day (and possibly take a nap when I get home) I just want to take a nap about an hour after I get there. And then another after lunch... And then another about an hour before I get to go home. Then I come home, and I want to take another nap. And then another after dinner. And then another about an hour before going to bed. And then off to bed about eight. The sad thing is... it's not like I do manual labor for a living. I sit in a desk for cryin' out loud!

#5- Emotional Wreck- I will be the first to admit... I'm an emotional train wreck. I cry for the stupidest reasons. And sometimes I even cry for no reason at all. This is fine when surrounded by family and friends. However, that one time I was in line at Wal-Mart and there were several people in front of me and several people behind me... I just started thinking about how badly I wanted a drink of water and lost all composure. The guy in front of me turned around to me crying hysterically and said "I know hun, it makes me so mad when there are 40 lanes, 500 people in line, and only three open checkouts."

Well, after only a short six weeks of knowing I am pregnant, those are my top five. I'm sure there's more to come.

1 comment:

  1. Ok, so as you know, I was sick throughout my entire pregnancy, even threw up on you once haha. BUT it is the weirdest thing though....even though I was sick and huge and miserable most of the 9 months, I seriously miss being pregnant! Hard to explain but I think you will see what I mean in a few months!!! Being that close to the baby is really sweet and no one can ever be as close as you!